Seether Fever

Worked the last few days as a P.A. for Seether's new music video for "The Country Song." You can check it out at:  http://www.seether.com/.  It's a great song. So working on my first "professional" set I discovered a few important things. One:  I like being my own boss. Working on someone else's project lacks a certain satisfaction. If I'm not personally passionate about it, what's the mothaflippin' point? Evidently I still have a problem with authority. I don't like being told what to do and, of course, I think I know a better way to do just about everything. Can't help it, I'm a Leo. It was strange being on a set and not being the one in charge. Two:  As my DP, Sean Maxwell, says, Directors do the least of anyone else on set. At least in this case it seemed true. To be fair, perhaps the preparation, which I didn't see, made it unnecessary for much to be conveyed on set. Still, the producer, Michelle Adney (who was awesome) seemed to be directing everyone, including the actors and band, far more than the director. Just not what I expected. The DP was a douche but I liked his camera work. But I loved loved loved the Band! I particularly felt an affinity for Shaun, the lead singer. He's just a stellar guy... passionate, intelligent, kind and sweet. Three: Working on a quick shoot like that where virtually everyone is a stranger lacks a huge element of what I love best about filming. There's a lack of cohesion, of family, of connection, and therefore fun. It's like the first day of school where everyone's trying to figure out who's who and where they belong in the mix, but by the time you figure it out, it's all over. Pointless. I much prefer working with a team of cast and crew that I'm familiar with. Fortunately on this set I got to work with my dear friend and collegue, Richard. We had a blast taking photos of all the actors dressed up in everything from a clown costume to an alien to Ken Barbie. Also got to meet a few cool new people, like local Dave Novak, who's in his own band with a very talented audio editor I know, Art Guillermo Jr. If you want to see a quick clip of the shoot, check this out:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_JyTgr7wFA

So what have I learned from this experience:  That I should have far more confidence in my skills as a director and producer. Sometimes it's hard for us to see ourselves as we really are, until we have examples of what we're not. Thanks Seether!

FEARLESS

Being in the film industry, I suspect, any part of the film industry, requires a large amount of fearlessness. As a writer, producer, director and actor especially you have to be willing to put out there, all those vulnerabilities we're much more inclined to hide. It is from this place, that I wrote the following last night:

Home sick and tormented by allergies, I’ve had little else to do but ponder and think and brew up crazy ideas. I started fantasizing this evening about what I could do to get people to notice me, to notice this story, this film, Ekstasis, that I'm dying to make. What grand gesture can I make... skydive off a bridge, perhaps? Jog across the country like Forrest Gump? Have a Gandhi fast where I refuse to eat until we get the money to make the movie? This last one proved the most unrealistic considering, with my blood sugar issue, I probably wouldn’t last more than 12 hours. So what can I do, I kept asking myself. Then it came to me... I can write. I can tell people how my unextraordinary existence has kept alive an extraordinary dream, a dream I think we all carry, of living our lives doing something we love.


Since I was little, I always felt different... not exactly special and not exactly cursed but somewhere in between. After my father abandoned my Mom and I when I was 3, leaving us with nothing more than a pool table and a puppy I had to give up because they didn't allow pets at the apartments we would have to move into, I can only imagine the anxiety my Mom must have felt - raising a child on a secretary's income while dealing with an increasingly debilitating disease, Multiple Sclerosis. I was ten years old when my stellar example of a father claimed I wasn't even his child, the stress of which caused my Mom to never walk again. My Grandma and I took care of her from that point on and there was more to worry about than what I wanted. I fell through the cracks of other people's lives and so I dreamed. It was my escape. I would make up stories and fantasies; I would live out other lives – glamorous, exciting lives. I was Barbie in a blue fur coat and a badass RV. I was Madonna in the Material Girl video. I was Jesse's girl. I was anyone and everyone but who I really was. And for some reason, I just always had faith that my dreams would one day come true, faith that something was going turn out right for me, even if it took a miracle.

I'm now 38-years-old and I still live in an apartment, unmarried, no kids, and although my life has taken many unexpected and uneventful twists and turns, I still believe in that miracle. Every dream I’ve had I’ve followed through to the bitter end… I've started and failed at more businesses than I’d like to admit. I’ve shopped around short stories, novels, scripts and children’s books ad nauseam but to no avail. My family thinks I'm nuts. I’ve been told I should just "grow up" and find a job with good insurance. Isn't that what everyone does? People don’t really believe in dreams these days, or so it seems – it’s not tangible, it’s not realistic, it doesn’t come with a 401K. Often times, when I ask people what it is they're passionate about, I’m met with a blank, empty stare. They’ve lost that spark, they’ve become the American Zombie and it's fear of becoming this that drives me on because I know that if you're not fully living, you're partially dying and the moment you give up on your dreams, you might as well pack your bags for the Underworld. I promised myself a long time ago, I’d go out fighting, if I live to be 100-years-old.

This time, this dream, of making a feature film – a story I wrote from the heart, from the pain of losing my Mom, has evolved into something special, not just to me, but to a group of amazing and talented folks who have been a part of this project for over a year now, and to our growing number of supporters. Ekstasis seems to really affect almost everyone who reads it, I think, because losing someone you love, knowing you would trade your life for even one more day, even minute, with that person, is something many of us have already experienced. It’s the kind of loss that eludes no one. So this dream has grown, and it feels so close now, just a breath away, like a snowflake on your tongue. It just seems so silly that something like money could keep us from it, especially when I know, just know in the depths of my soul, that if we could just get this script out there, that the right people would see the magic in this story, and the commitment our production team has in this project, and this dream would so seamlessly become reality.

Or maybe I should take another look at the Gandhi thing…

Kimberly Suta

Demo Party Perfection!

The demo party went off without a hitch. It was a gorgeous night with a great turn-out and a wonderful vibe. We had wine from Don's and Ben's, Chocolate from Chocolade Chocolate Factory (which was a huge hit), and cheese and crackers. Some of my favorite industry peeps came out to support - Janet Vasquez from the SA Film Commission and Veronica Hernandez of NALIP, as well as an array of filmmakers, lovers, actors, supports and students. We couldn't have asked for a better evening. DJ Agosto Cuellar spun some wicked tunes, as always. Most importantly, everyone seemed to really enjoy the Demo... a few potential investors asked for prospectus packages and we closed out the night with a bottle of tequila and a mini dance party. Was truly a spectacular evening! Thanks everyone! I'm including some pics for your viewing enjoyment.